Defining happiness
“Happiness is notdefined the same wayby all people,” Dutton explains. “And you shouldn’t confuse it withexcitement or joy. Those are ingredients for happiness, but they’re not [actually] happiness.”
If this sounds like a game of semantics, consider this: Happiness is an umbrella that includes contentment, excitement, joy and euphoria. All those feelingscontribute to feeling happy,but none encapsulates happiness completely.
Instead, happiness stems from finding and living according to your sense of purpose. “It’s defined bywhat makes you get out of bedin the morning,” Dutton says.
5 steps to finding happiness
Between daily distractions and a general disconnect from our evolving sense of what we want in life, it can be easy to lose our way when it comes to finding happiness. Here’s a road map for rediscovering it.
1.What you think is what you end up believing
Likening mindset to an AI algorithm, Dutton says that one’s mindset is self-perpetuating. If on social media, you click on a couple of cat videos, the platform’s algorithm will keep on feeding you cat videos. Pretty soon, you’ll have a sense that all cats are capable of quirky, acrobatic feats.
The same goes for how you view yourself. If you consider yourself unlucky or somehow “less than,” you tend tofind reinforcement in the external world. What was once a fear or opinion becomes validated, reinforced and perpetuated to where you eventually are the thing you don’t necessarily want to be.
Or, to put it another way, you are thegatekeeper of what you think and believe. Be discriminating about what you let into your mind.
2.Be your own cheerleader
Narcissism is never a good look, but confidence is. Unfortunately, a lot of people struggle to find the latter and end up erring on the side of low self-esteem.
“Negative self-talk is easy,” Dutton acknowledges. Any misstep — forgetting someone’s birthday or not doing well on an exam — can be cause for becoming your own worst detractor if you let it.
Instead, Dutton recommendschecking in with yourselfeach morning and evening and engaging in a positive pep talk. This doesn’t have to be embarrassing or over the top but simply a moment to create a framework for the day and your accomplishments at the end of it.
For example, when you wake up, take a minute to think aboutwhat you’re looking forward todoing that day, whether it’s finishing your dissertation or just getting the kids to school on time. Then, before bed, think about something you’re grateful for, whether that’s good health or getting the laundry done.
This, in effect,rewires your mindto think and feel better. “Your brain starts thinking positively, and that positivity blossoms in [your] umbrella of happiness,” Dutton explains.
3.Embrace your purpose
Life is largely written by little moments. Yes, big life events (marriage, kids, owning a home) are the punctuation marks, but what fills in the bulk of your story? How do you lend meaning to each day?
For many people, purpose can be found inwork, relationships and how they as individuals contribute to the world. This doesn’t mean running for office or becoming a celebrity. It does meanlifting upyour co-workers,making eye contactwith your baristas and servers when you thank them andbeing courteousto people you come in contact with.
One analogy is theemerging “slow travel” trendin which visitors eschew the “Insta-worthy” approach of showcasing their vacations and embrace the idea of really discovering a place, engaging with the culture and contributing to it in some way.
So, ask yourself this question:How can you make the world a better place for having been in it?Your answer to that is very likely your life’s purpose.
4.Put others first
“Whenever I go through a drive-through, I always pay for the car behind me,” Dutton says. “It makes me feel good. I want them to knowsomebody thought about them.”
This is an example of an attitude more than a prescription for activity. Thinking of others can look many different ways, and it doesn’t have to cost a cent. Yes, donating to good causes is admirable and necessary. Yes, it’s a generous and wonderful thing to treat someone to lunch or buy coffee for a stranger. But with the current economy making everyone’s disposable income a little dearer, it may be more doable — and arguably more meaningful — to find ways torecognize people around you.
Dutton, for example, will send a handwritten note of thanks to faculty who have gone above and beyond. Doing the same for a friend or colleague, even over email, creates a similar positive effect.Checking in on friendswho are going through a tough time,calling someone outin a meeting for a job well done orcarving out timeto spend with a loved one are all gifts that effectively put others first.
“Just helping out your fellow human beings will add to your happiness,” Dutton says. “It makes them have a good feeling, and maybe that will cause a ripple effect on other people.”
